How much does the difference between an excuse and reason matter?

You Are Excused For Your Reason, But How Much Does It Matter?

"It's not an excuse, it is a reason!" she protested to me at the top of her lungs. She was quite upset that I accused her of always having an excuse for being late or not having work done on time.

Although she was a great colleague, we had a debate for a whole year as to whether her explanations for not having work done on time were excuses or reasons. I even looked the words up in the dictionary to ensure I was not missing something and not accepting her argument as a result.

I am not sharing the definitions of an excuse and a reason with you because I find them to be irrelevant. Imagine a scenario in which a babysitter you contracted was supposed to pick up your daughter in front of her school promptly at 3pm, and the babysitter showed up at 4pm. When the babysitter showed up late the child was nowhere to be found, nor was anyone else in front of the school.

When the babysitter comes to you to explain that your child is missing, how much does it matter why the babysitter got there one hour late? There are many people who would ask why the babysitter got there late first. This is not solutions-oriented. This would be the last thing I would want to know; that curiosity would just kill time.

I would only need to know about the current situation…for instance if the babysitter knew where my child might be, or who might know where she might be.

If you really want to see your baby again, how long will you spend chastising the babysitter for losing your child, and how relevant is it right now how the babysitter managed to arrive late for something so important?

Too many times we waste time explaining our reasons or excuses for shortcomings or mistakes. Strong people can admit their shortcomings up front, accept responsibility for their mistakes and immediately propose possible solutions to any problems that result.

If I had the misfortune of being in that babysitter's position I would say, "I'm terribly sorry but I arrived one hour late and lost your child…this is where I think we should go right now to look for her. Let's hurry! I'll answer your questions about how everything happened on the way."

Propose solutions to the problems you cause…and you won't sound like you are always coming up with excuses. Or reasons!